Yes, I dreamt about you. And it’s been happening very often until now. I mean, look at us, we’ve been talking only for the past few weeks and I’ve been dreaming about you – five, six times?

And dear friend, how most of them are not good ones 🙁

When I dreamt about you for the first time, I thought, “Oh, ok, maybe it’s because I have this silly crush on him.” Hey, don’t blame me. I didn’t know who you were when I spotted you there, and started to think, “Whoa, he’s cute!” *err, now that I knew you, I don’t think you wish anyone think you’re cute. I don’t think I can describe what you are to me. It just happened that way, there you were standing and suddenly I thought I like you. I didn’t even know your name, your job, your age, or whatever data about you.

So that how it went for months, nodding and smiling when we met and I thought I was crazy to like someone anonymous. I feel very much stupid about myself – I mean, hey, I’m a grown up! And grown up girl is not falling for a shadow like you. But I was.

I considered it simply as a silly attraction, until one day, I had these weird dreams telling me to look for something at the internet… Annoyed by them, I woke up and turned on my laptop and found your picture. Oh God, it was him! It’s that man! Oh dear God…

And so I knew your name. And some other information about you. Weird as it can be, that’s how I knew your name, at 5 AM in the morning.

Shortly after that, I told myself to stop this silly crush. I was really determined to do so – I mean, dear God, when I found out who you are, gee… the formerly silly crush has turned out to be the most stupid thing I could ever done. So I said to myself, stop, stop, stop… but…

But in the next evening after the dream – there I was, walking in the narrow corridor to go home then you called out my name. What? Oh God, no…

Ahaha, I tell you now, I was almost fainted at that time. I mean, well, I’m not sure you’ve ever talked to me before. I didn’t even know you knew my name. And there we were, talking to each other.

And there was the time the dreams started to come. And sadly, not all dreams were good ones.

At first, I didn’t think too much about them. I knew it’s odd; you’re nobody in my life and I hardly know you – I shouldn’t dream about you. It’s true that I dream often, but never frequently about particular persons – except about my ade. And I really don’t want to give it much thought; I have plenty of thoughts right now…

But the dreams keep coming and last night I knew I must face it. I talked it out to my sister last night and she said, don’t give it too much thought, so if something happen, I wouldn’t feel too guilty.

Whhhat?

Hey, I don’t want anything to happen! I was not worried – at least that’s what I tried to believe. But doesn’t think about it and not being worried for that doesn’t mean I don’t care whether it happens or not.

I was not thinking much about them until last night simply because I choose to ignore them. I mean, I don’t want to be emotionally engaged to you – especially with myself can’t stop behaving silly around you. Last week was the hardest time ever for me. Pretending I was OK for these past two months, especially for the last days, looking at those emails and pretending I was OK – but I was not. I’ve been tried way too hard to hide my tears resulted in laughing too loud. Gee, what have I done?

When I turned off my laptop and went into my bed, I wonder why God has allowed me to dream about you so often. Why you? Why me? Yes I do like you, but we’re just… just friends? Just an acquaintance…

Then I remember my long time calling which I’ve been avoided a lot – to be used as an intercessory prayer, kneeling in front of God, down on knee to pray for others. Could it be He wants me to pray for you? I mean, I’ve got a very long list now, so many names, so many families and loved ones have been attached in my heart. And now I’ve got you?

So I did, I spread my prayer rug and started to pray. Sitting in my bed room in the dark saying out your name and I found myself sobbing and crying. I think I’ve been worried about you much more than I would admit. Was it the reason I hit you – something I’d never done before – when you keep talking about life-insurance? Because I couldn’t stand it? Couldn’t hear about any mishap that could happen to you?

Sigh… to be honest, I really don’t like to pray, because I would feel all the emotion and pain the others feel, and I will feel very helpless. And I still can’t stop myself from being emotionally attached for the persons I pray for… I guess I still have to learn to pray and to care for others…

Oh dear, now you know I have dreamt about you. Yes, I’ve been dreaming about you. I really hope I can stop dreaming about you. And I hope none of bad ones will come true…

*for a dear friend out there, I wish I can tell you I’m really sorry 🙁