As I received a not so good SMS last night, I thought, “Gosh, what now?”

I didn’t reply to the message immediately, because I really don’t know what to say. I wanted to curse, I wanted to give terrible advice, I even expected one to happen since I really couldn’t see the way out of this problem.

I did wonder, and I am now wondering, where God when we need Him most? My beloved people are stumbling down in their tough times, and really, what should I say to them?

I readied myself to sleep, thinking what I should say, and remember my Bible Group study last chapter about worries.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6, NIV)

OK. Prayer. Petition. Thanksgiving. Doa. Permohonan. Ucapan Syukur. Sounds simple but damn hard to do. But it’s written in the Bible so surely some people have done it and it worked out, right? If it’s not true, it won’t be written there.

So I prayed and went to sleep.

In the morning when I decided to answer the sms, I wondered what I should say. If I say, keep praying, wouldn’t it sound ‘not understanding’ and sound as if I didn’t really care? But if I suggest the bad thought I have – since I also feel irritated by the news, what will happen if my advice was taken, or my wicked wish came true?

When some people giving you so many hard times – you’ll wish them to be gone. Just GONE.

And when your life giving you so many hard times – you’ll wish it to be end. Just END.

But I know it’s not the way it is. Even when I wandered my eyes to the sky and wondering where exactly God is when everything seems chaotic and everybody hurts – I couldn’t shut down my heart who kept telling me He’s been around.

Last night sermon was from Philippians 3:10:
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.

Is it true for me? Do I really want to know about Christ and the power of His resurrection?

Do I really want to be in fellowship of sharing in his suffering? Gee, sharing a suffering? Isn’t my suffering great enough? Should I share his for more?

Do I really want to be like Him in His death? Death? God, are you kidding?

But what is this about – when I tried so hard to be free from all my problems, wish my beloved ones free from their problems, when I read that Paul was willing to add his burden with God’s suffering and death – and I supposed to be like Paul, willing for the same thing?

Where is God when things seem to be in their worst, and no help (seem) to be in the way? Doesn’t he care? Is he sleeping – as he slept when his disciples’ boat hit the storm?

Though my heart was heavy from worries and grief and God seemed to be nowhere, I know that somehow He’s there, and maybe, maybe I thought, if I could go through this in the way He wanted me to go – put them all in the prayer, petition, with thanksgiving, maybe I could understand what He wants. And in the same time, in His silence, I could learn to share on his suffering by trusting Him on my worries and keep on moving.

I replied the sms by quoting the Bible for one of God’s promise:
15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16, NIV)

I really hope that my beloved one understands that I do care, and will be strengthened by this promise, and be reminded that there’s God who cares and knows the problems that’s going on. And I hope, that I too, will be given the strength not to fall to temptation, not to doubt God’s providence for me and my beloved ones.

Though things seem to tarry, then we shall wait (Habakuk 2:3).