Since I’ve been failing in keeping new year resolutions too many times, I stopped making them at all. Especially when I kept dealing with surgeries every year, it seemed pointless to put a dreamy target when life was more about surviving.

But this year it was a little bit different. Last year was exceptionally hard for all of us, my fourth surgery followed by a sudden finding that my daughter had a lump and she must go through surgery as well – it all happened in the year of lockdown. Nobody could come to stay with us and help us in such difficult times. Even things like visitors or food help were also not possible. Basically we had to survive on our own – that, with my traveling and non-domestic husband, meant I had to survive most of the struggle by Jesus who worked in me (I wanted to say all by myself but I can’t steal the credit which is not mine).

I think somehow those experiences shaped me. I decided to take in the challenge to read the New Testament everyday even though I started four months late and I managed to complete it on time! I started with the thought: well, somehow I survived the surgery that was by far brought the worst scenario for me. What kind of excuse can I make to not read the Bible when God spared my life so many times? I’m still alive and ‘magically’ functions as normal as a normal person can function, isn’t it a miracle? 

The achievement of finishing the New Testament created a new drive in me. While I never really sat down and thought deep about it, I guess there’s this feeling inside of me saying, if I could do that, I can do other things too. And I don’t care what’s going to happen next year, I will just try. I will just try my best in my days no matter what happens in front of me.

Before the year ends, I started to pick up my long forgotten kindle and started to read. And read. And read. I started to pay attention to my step counter, and try to reach 10000 steps each day. I braved myself to do the next commitment – reading the Old Testament that would end over 1,5 years, thinking that starting and doing are far better than thinking too much and losing it all.

So that’s how it started. And as the year ended, I silently made several new year resolutions, though I didn’t say it outloud. I still have the doubts of what’s going to happen, especially when the hospital appointments are approaching. But I decided to keep doing what I can do today, instead of thinking too much about tomorrow.

These are some things I’d like to do well in the year 2021. I tried not to set bombastic goals, but rather simple things I know I’m able to do daily and yet somehow I never did because I didn’t set my heart to it: reading good books daily, walking 10000 steps everyday, doing the OT reading plan faithfully.

For years my cousin has been trying to talk me to a group of women who do daily writing. And for years I’ve been refusing her for the thought I would never make it, I’ve been absent from writing for years, I had a busy life, I didn’t know what to write, I only write personal (and perhaps boring) opinions, and of course the greatest cause was my lack of commitment.

Looking at the past month how I kept striving to get my daily goals done – although the results are far from perfect, I thought why not put this writing business along in this year’s goals. So about three days ago I joined this community where I have to deliver my writing (links to it) daily and get a badge if I can reach the milestones.

Three days have passed and I still write. Who knows what’s going to happen in the next weeks? Well, nothing I can do about it, besides to keep writing. And reading. And walking 😁