I was in MRT this morning looking blankly at a mid age man sitting in front of me. He was playing some jewel game in his IPhone for the past 15 minutes. I could see that he was so engrossed in the game, and could hardly watch for other things. So when the dear computerized lady announced, ‘City Hall’, he immediately stood up. And it was my unluckiest moment – the train captain stepped on the brake, and this not so dear old man was losing his balance, stepped on my left foot, and fell down to the laps of two poor ladies who were sitting beside her. Poor us, the man was big!

I don’t believe in a bad luck, or that a day started with a bad thing will be absolutely gloomy for the rest of the day. No… I’m far more optimistic than that.

But he has stepped on my hurt toe – and trust me, it hurt like… *well, I prefer not to use any bad words here. I felt very helpless… I know I mustn’t curse or saying any bad wish about people – but man, it was just a game! And for that not so intelligent game you have added grief to others. Sigh.

Now you might wonder why I’m so fussy about a toe. The toe had been hurt and blueish for several days and I had been very worried about that. I couldn’t recall when or how could I’ve hurt my foot and the bruise looked not good. Then about two weeks ago, I had a fire drill in the office, so I had to go down 20 storey to reach the lobby and went out to the evacuation area when a not so dear lady walked in hurry and stepped exactly on my toe with her high heels shoe. So it’s been black and hurt even more after that. Leaving me unable to wear any shoes and look very gothic cause people might think I’ve painted my nail with black color.

So trying not to cry and to control my emotion, I remember I haven’t read my devotional reading and started to read. I was startled, thinking that I’ve just read this part sometime in this month. What date is now? September 30. Huh? Why I read September 30 twice? Then I remember some weeks ago when I was feeling low I’ve jumped into this date and read it. So that’s why I’ve read it before. And why this date of all dates?

It was blank for a while – I couldn’t figure out what’s so special about 30th of September? Then I realized… oh dear God…

I don’t believe in bad luck. I don’t believe that if you start the day having a bad thing then the whole day will be ruined. I’m far a more optimistic and positive person.

But when somebody stepped on your hurt toe, and you remember this date was the day when someone was so dear from your past put his ring on your finger, and just when you’re writing down all this woes in your blog – his name popped up in your inbox, saying a sweet hello to anyone but you in the mailing list – as if there’s nothing has happened and he has never hurt you, and once again, you are being the outcast…

If you were me, wouldn’t you think how to survive this day? And it’s only 10:59 AM in the morning… Dear God, how much I really want to cry right now 🙁

Below is my devotional reading today…

September 30, 2009

The Assigning of the Call

I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church . . . —Colossians 1:24

We take our own spiritual consecration and try to make it into a call of God, but when we get right with Him He brushes all this aside. Then He gives us a tremendous, riveting pain to fasten our attention on something that we never even dreamed could be His call for us. And for one radiant, flashing moment we see His purpose, and we say, “Here am I! Send me” ( Isaiah 6:8 ).

This call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured-out wine. Yet God can never make us into wine if we object to the fingers He chooses to use to crush us. We say, “If God would only use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured-out wine in a special way, then I wouldn’t object!” But when He uses someone we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would never submit, to crush us, then we object. Yet we must never try to choose the place of our own martyrdom. If we are ever going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed— you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.

I wonder what finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you? Have you been as hard as a marble and escaped? If you are not ripe yet, and if God had squeezed you anyway, the wine produced would have been remarkably bitter. To be a holy person means that the elements of our natural life experience the very presence of God as they are providentially broken in His service. We have to be placed into God and brought into agreement with Him before we can be broken bread in His hands. Stay right with God and let Him do as He likes, and you will find that He is producing the kind of bread and wine that will benefit His other children.

***

I really wish, God will grant me the strength to say Amen to it and the willingness to be crushed by Him – no matter whose finger and thumb He wants to use to squeeze me. I really wish, that even though today is very tough for me, I still can see God’s grace and willingly answer His call, saying,

Here I am! Send me!