After taking time in my recovery for more than one month, I still don’t feel fit enough to do anything, other than going to office and do small amount of household chores. It feels like my life has been trimmed down to less than half of its size. Regrettably this halve thing only applies to my power to do things, not to my waist size.

So after two full months since my illness, today I must decide to cancel joining a bible class from my church. AGAIN! And really, I don’t know how many times I’ve cancelled those classes because I didn’t feel well…

Gee, isn’t this posting just another moaning session – a repetition of the one I made last month? But still I feel disappointed about it. It feels like I’m losing a lot of things in my life, a lot of chances to learn, and I’m trapped in this weak body of mine.

I feel much disappointed and worried today. What can I do about my life when there’s not much I can do in it? In the same time, I also feel stupid and pathetic feeling this way… shouldn’t I put my trust in God who is the owner of my life? Shouldn’t I believe in Him who has created me? Wouldn’t He know best about all this limitation He allows me to have – and wouldn’t He know how I can go through with it?

I have a lot of things I want to do in my life, I want to do a lot of things for my God. Is it possible that I’m consumed by my own idea of serving God, so I fail to see what He wants me to do, and fail to see that He can lead me to do it?

Dear God, may I be given the strength, to do a lot of things that glorify Your Name. But even if I weren’t oh God, please strengthen me to use all my strength – though it’s less than others or than what I expect myself to have – all utilized to do (maybe not great) things, for serving You alone. And may I understand the meaning, and may I able to say it within me; when I am weak, then I am strong.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me.
No great sucess to show, no glory on my own,
yet in my weakness He is there to let me know.

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on,
Raised in His power the weak become strong.
His strenght is perfect.

We can only know the power that He holds,
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes.
His strength in us begins when ours comes to an end
He hears our humble cry and proves again.

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on,
Raised in His power the weak become strong.
His strength is perfect,
So perfect.