(One week late edition)
I saw one last night, a very bright star, close to the moon. (My Google research told me that it’s probably another planet like Venus or Jupiter – but for me, it’s a star).
Since I was a little girl, the sky always fascinated me. I loved to lay on the roof deck at my house and looking at the stars. Back then, Jakarta sky was pretty clear and you can see a lot of them. I also loved to see the blue sky – and the sun which sometimes its ray between the clouds made it looks like a picture in the books – where they tried to illustrate heaven. I always called it “Heaven’s Light”, and whenever I got the chance to see it – I did feel that God was very close, watching me in His love.
I always associate the sky with God – the place where He put His throne and watching us His creations. Or sometimes when I see the sky, I’ve always led to think – if He was the one who created this big roof above me and hold it with His hands, wouldn’t He able to hold my life too?
But star in particular is my special thing. It was so special; I always wear a star pendant – a reminder for me about God’s promise in my life. (Or maybe it’s more about my promise to God :P)
I used to watch the sky every night when I walked home. But lately, I’ve almost never look above – there are so many things distracted me, so I never even notice whether the night had stars or not. I remember my first days in Singapore, I always came late from the office, and I used to walk up the hill to my friend’s condo, looked at the stars in the dark nights, and smelled the scent of lilies in the wet paths. Surely those times were tough, but somehow God has made me hang on until today.
So it’s been quite a while until last night, when I visited a friend in Yishun (could it be because it’s such a remote place so it’d be easier to see ones? :P) I looked away and saw my star. Yes, it was my star. The very bright one close to the moon – always brighter than the others, it was indeed my special star.
And for a while I was struck, oh my God, I’ve not seen the star for a very long time. And now it’s here, and it feels like it’s smiling at me, reminding me to one promise…
An hour plus of warm conversation with my beloved friends made me forget the star for a while. But when I went home that night, I know that something has happened. I’ve been struck once again by a beauty of star, and for a while, really I feel very scared and frightened by its magical light.
I had hold on too tight to one star once, a very long time ago. Fascinated by its radiance, held by its warmth, and for too long, I forgot that it’s just merely a star after all. Yes, it was brighter than other stars. It was indeed brighter than other everyday things in my life. But I failed to remember, that its light didn’t come from its own – it has come from God. And for a too long while, I had shifted my eyes from the true Light above. I had forgotten that when I saw a bright star, by right I should be able to see God – and not only seeing His creation, his blessing.
Ahaha, I bet you’re wondering why on earth I keep talking about something so unimportant like star. (I know one reader who would understand about this anyway :P). But in reality, it’s important for me. Once in our Youth Service, we were playing games about what’s the most important thing you have now in the room with you. One friend said it’s his rings (given by his ciecies), one said it’s his bible (but the moderator said Bible shouldn’t be included because well, everybody will say that), and I said it was my star pendant. Why, they asked. Why? Well, it’s been there for seven years long (minus several years when a robber actually tried to get my necklace and broke it and I never got any replacement), and it has become a very long time prayer – the longest prayer I’ve ever done in my life!
And now I’ve seen once more, a very bright star above. And somehow my heart is captive by its light yet again. I hold my breath, I said my prayer, and asked dearly to my God,
Dear God, please this time, don’t let me blinded by its light!