13 Years Apart and 35 Emails Later

There are things in life fear me. Some of them are silly things like going to the bank (and the must to talk to the teller) or asking for a replacement when I realize I have bought a dress with a wrong size. Other things are important like failing before God, losing my beloved ones, and trusting my heart to someone.


I’m not a typical-everyday coward. My friend said I’m complicated. But aren’t we all? We are all brave and scared in the same time. I’ve been very scared for trivial things like being face to face with some frogs at a dark pedestrian way in the wet night of Singapore. But I’ve been brave enough to leave everything behind and going forward to something I had not known when I left my country four years ago (well, at least I feel that it’s a brave thing to do for someone like me).

Now, thirteen years after I ran away; and thirty five emails of getting to know each other again, with a different start, with a brand new beginning… I have said yes to one of the most important matter I have to decide in my life.

He said he fell for the twinkles in my eyes, and the old flame has begun to burn again.
I said (no, I have not told him this) I was caught by his smile, and my heart melt for his kind words.

So here I am now, gazing out of the window, looking at the sparkles of evening light of Singapore as my plane landed. I must admit (as I have told him), I do feel scared. And in the same time, I know I’ll have the strength.

He said, this thing has given me a different perspective about life.
I said, it gives us some new meaning and target in life.

He said, it feels strange isn’t it? After all these times and now I’m with you.
I said, it feels too good to be true.
He said, why, you look so scared.
I said, I do feel scared – of missing you.
So we parted our ways once more this time. Back to the reality of life. Where hundred of days and thousand of miles are keeping us apart.

As I walk back to my Monday; feeling as uncertain as ever yet sure that we’ll be okay, I know this time I would be brave enough, as I’ve heard the voice strengthened me earlier that day,

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

As I close my eyes and say my goodnight, I say my prayer and whisper to the wind,

With you my love, I’m willing to walk this road. Knowing with God, we will never walk alone.

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